If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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