I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
