Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
