I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
