I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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