We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
