I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
