My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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