Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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