Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
