We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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