i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
