I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
and she was petting her beer can
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
