Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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