just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
