Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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