dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My vagina is officially offended.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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