real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
