You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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