I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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