why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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