wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
