We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
