Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
