I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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