Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
