I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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