She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
