thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
is your mom at the bar?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
