shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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