then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize