Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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