Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
