I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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