Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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