I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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