just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
