So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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