Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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