Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
