I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He has the fingertips of a God
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
