My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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