Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
