I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
