i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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