hell yes lets make some ravioli
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
