drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize