I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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