In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
