If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
