ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
