this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
