i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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