Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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