She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize