obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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