I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
