i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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