Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
