You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
