I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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