I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
