I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
