Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
