walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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