hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
