The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
