I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
