I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm sobbing to NWA
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize