Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
