I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
