it's like heaven, but drunker
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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