I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
