I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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