You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
