i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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