And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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