I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
